A Miko And Her Pocky
by Shini Eternal
Summary: Duo, Quarte, and Heero are sent out by their respective mikos to retrieve a case or two of elusive Miko Crunchies pocky... R+R please!


A MIKO AND HER POCKY  
  
  
NOTE: It might not be too clear as to what is going on with the "Miko Crunchies pocky" bit. This started out as an inside joke between Shini (yours truly) and Morpha (Miko no Quarte) and, well... Miko Crunchies is the 'official breakfast food of mikos' and it makes for an extremely good snack....  
  
  
  
Duo Maxwell was minding his own business and, as usual, looking super-kawaii while he was doing it. He was currently leaning back in his big black leather armchair in his cool pre-EW duds, hat pulled down over his eyes with a bottle of Coke in one hand and a chocolate pocky in the other. At this time he was very asleep and the coating of the pocky was melting.  
Sitting across the room was the infamous Quarte Raberba Winner, with a bottle of cold tea and a package full of strawberry pocky in front of him. He was reading a book on quantum physics and looking very, very kawaii and very, very smart.   
Suddenly, a determined miko was attracted to the smell of strawberry pocky. The Miko No Shinigami burst into the room and immediately proceeded to snatch the package of strawberry pocky.   
"Hey!" Quarte protested, snatching the package back.  
"It's not tusbu tusbu anyway." Grumbled the miko, who headed for the cabinet and rummaged through it in search of strawberry tusbu tusbu pocky.   
At this point, Duo woke up, and, suddenly seeing the to-be-feared miko fell out of his armchair with a loud 'ack!' The Miko No Shinigami turned around and, upon seeing her god, immediately glomped him.  
"Du-kun!"  
"Someone... please... help... me..." muttered the now quite flat Shinigami.  
"Hey!" Shouted the miko, now quite excited at some new prospect but not letting Duo off the ground. "I wonder if the make Miko Crunchies Pocky?!??"  
"I'm... sure they do..." mumbled Duo, propping his head up on one hand.  
"Wow!" Exclaimed the miko.  
Quarte lifted a blonde eyebrow at the other Gundam pilot. "That was a mistake..." he warned gently.   
"Go find some!" Declared Shinigami no Miko, picking Duo up off the floor and booting him to Japanesesnacks.com.   
Quarte, no matter how hard he tried not to, had trouble not laughing.   
This in itself was a mistake almost as stupid as poor Duo's.  
The Miko no Quarte came in suddenly and, after thoroughly glomping the poor guy asked why Shini was around but not Shinigami.  
"He went to go find some Miko Crunchies Pocky." Answered Shinigami no Miko.  
"Miko Crunchies Pocky?" Asked Quarte no Miko, bewildered. Both blondes' eyes' widened, Quarte's because he knew what was going to come next, the miko's because her mind was beginning to put 'Miko Crunchies' and 'Pocky' together. "Go with him!" She cried gleefully, kicking Quarte to Japanesesnacks.com with Duo.  
  
  
A minute after Duo had picked himself up and dusted himself off, Quarte crashed to the ground beside him. Duo leaned over and, carefully grasping the collar of his shirt lifted his friend to his feet. "Are you okay?"  
"Yeah..." Quarte said, regaining his footing. "Where are we?"  
"Japanesesnacks.com." Duo replied, "my miko's favorite website... it's where all those packages of pocky that magically appear in all the cabinets come from."   
"Oh. I was beginning to wonder who was ordering those huge cartons of the stuff that mysteriously appear at the front door of the temple no Gundam Wing."  
"Well then," said Duo, walking over a great red space on the wall where there were lines of doors. He stopped at one and read the sign. "Glico Pocky... how about that?" His hand was on the doorknob when Quarte stopped him.  
"Duo," He warned, "how are we going to pay for this... my wallets sitting on top of my dresser..."  
Duo's face went blank. "Uh... we'll just worry about that later!" He said, placing a trademark grin on his face. "C'mon!" With that, he grabbed Quarte's wrist and pulled him through the door.  
"Ack!"   
  
On the other side of the door there was complete chaos. Dozens of anime characters, manga characters, mikos, otakus, j-pop freaks, and just plain insane people were running around, some eating pocky, some buying it, some making shipping arrangements.   
"Dar..." The Braided One's face went blank again.   
"Duo... let's just go to another website..." Quarte said beginning to back away.  
Just then, a semi-unexplainable appearance by a seemingly very stressed and emotionally troubled Heero came about. His normally intense blue eyes were wide open with dementia and he his seemingly-Gundanium tank top was actually ripped in one or two places. Upon seeing the two other pilots, he grabbed hold of Duo's sleeve and yanked on it, hard enough that the careful rolling came out and the sleeve unfurled to its full length.  
"Get her away from me! Get her away! Please, Duo! I beg of you! I'll never tell you be quiet again!"  
"Whoa, Heero, buddy," Duo began, trying to shove him away. "Get who away from you... you don't mean...?"  
"Yes!" Heero gasped, shaking Duo so hard the pilot had to fight to keep his balance. The Perfect Soldier was obviously having a breakdown. "Her!"  
At that moment, a Big Pink Car belonging to a Miss Relena Peacecraft of the Sank Kingdom drove up and Relena jumped out, yelling "Heeeeeerooooo! Kill Millardo! He tried to steal my milk pocky!"  
Millardo Peacecraft ran up behind his sister and slapped a hand over her annoying mouth. "No! She stole my almond pocky!"  
Relena tore Millardo's hand away and started screaming, "Oh, yes, Mister Lightning Count! Sure! It's not like I don't know of your secret addiction to milk pocky!"  
Heero grasped Duo's sleeve so tightly Duo thought he would rip it off. "Please... make it stop..." He whimpered.  
"Kitto OK..." Said Duo soothingly. "We'll have you back to your kamikaze-baka self in no time..."  
"Yes," said Quarte, gently prying Heero's fingers off Duo's sleeve. "It's all going to be okay..."  
"Re...really?" Heero stuttered as Quarte led him a safe distance away. "Nooooo! That word sounds like "Relena"!!!!! Noooooo!"  
Duo pondered what to do. This was not a normal situation by any means, because Millardo and Relena were arguing over pocky, not war, and Heero was... Heero was acting like a complete and total weakling! What was going on?  
"Okay, you two," he said, pulling out his scythe and motioning to the car, "back into the car. Go on." As soon as he had shepherded them back inside, he threw in a couple sacks of readily available pocky and slammed the door. Taking out a welding torch, he sealed the exits and backed away to where Quarte had given a handkerchief to the sobbing Heero.  
"Uh... is he gonna be okay?" Duo asked. Quarte just shrugged.   
"Is it over?" Asked Heero weakly.   
Duo nodded.  
"Well then." Wing Zero's pilot calmly got up from the ground and brushed himself off. The tank top's rips magically fastened themselves, and his eyes went back to normal.   
"Hn."  
"Now," remarked Duo, "about that thing were you told me that you'd never shut me up again..."  
"I've gotten over my illness." Replied Heero indifferently. "All offers made then are to be considered null."  
"Say," asked Quarte, "do you know where we can find any Miko Crunchies-flavored pocky?"  
"Miko Crunchies pocky?" Asked Heero skeptically.  
Duo nodded sadly. "Miko Crunchies pocky."  
"Miko Crunchies... pocky?"  
"Whats the matter? You heard me, Miko Crunchies pocky!" Duo said as he tossed the scythe to the Magical Place Behind Him Where Anime Characters Put Everything When They're Not Using It.  
Heero looked around a little. "I don't know." He admitted.   
"Hey!" The American pilot said excitedly, "The Perfect Soldier doesn't know something! It's a miracle!"  
Heero shook his head at the fellow pilot and shrugged. "I doubt you're going to find anything by just standing here."  
"Say, Heero," Quarte inquired, "why are you here, anyway?"  
Heero was silent.  
Heero was still silent.  
Heero was abnormally silent, even for him.   
"M..." He stuttered.  
"Mmmmm...?" Duo asked mockingly.  
"Mi..."   
"Mi..?  
"Mik..."  
"I knew it! Your miko sent you out to Miko Crunchies pocky too!"  
"..." Said Heero. "..."  
  
  
"Well!" Said Duo excitedly. "C'mon, let's go find some! I bet there's someone here who can tell us where it is!"   
A tugging was felt on his pants leg. He looked down to find a tiny brown and yellow rat-like thing pulling on his hem.   
"Pika!" It said.  
"Not you!" Duo uttered, picking up the thing and preparing to drop kick it out of sight.  
"Hey!" Yelled Quarte, snatching it out of Duo's hands. "What are you doing that for? Hey little guy... hey..." This was directed at Pikachu while he rubbed it's chin. The thing made a purring noise and a few guttural 'pika's.   
"Quarte!" Duo made a grab for Pikachu but missed. "You have no idea how evil that little thing is!"  
"It's cute." Quarte responded.  
"Piiiiii...!" Started the thing.  
"Quarte! Drop it!" Duo ordered, frantic.  
"...kaaaaaa....!"  
"Quarte, please!" It's about to-!"  
"...chu!"   
Quarte was very fried at that moment. He dropped Pikachu and shook his head a little, stunned. Pikachu bounced back up to Quarte's head to grab a package of coconut pocky and then scampered away.  
"Wha...?" Quarte asked.   
"It's okay..." Duo reassured Quarte as he lead the trio away from the site of the Pikachu and Relena attack. "Let's just get away from here before anything else happens..."  
They were halfway through the mob when Duo picked up a stray package of milk pocky and examined the back label. "Hey!" He said, pointing to one singular word of Japanese, "Look at this! Heero, read it!" With that, he literally grabbed the front of Heero's shirt and forced the package in the pilot's face.  
"Yeah," Heero agreed, "made with wheat flour. Why is that important?"  
"Oh." Duo said, downcast. "Well, it looked like it said Miko Crunchies, okay?"  
'It does." Heero said. "Right here."  
"I thought it said it was made with wheat flour."  
"I thought you thought it said Miko Crunchies." Said Quarte.  
"I did. I think." Said Duo.  
"It does say that it's made with wheat flour." Concluded Heero.  
"But... you... you just told me it said Miko Crunchies!" Sputtered Duo.  
"That would make sense." Said Quarte.  
"Miko Crunchies?"  
"Wheat flour?"  
"Wheat flour Crunchies?"  
"Miko flour?"  
"Miko wheat?"  
"What?"  
"ENOUGH!" Yelled Quarte. "Heero. What does the package say?"  
Heero took another look at the package. "Made with wheat flour. But-" and this was said with a pointed look at Deathscythe's pilot, "-it also says that there's some kind made with Miko Crunchies."  
"Miko Crunchies pocky!" Squealed a feminine voice behind them. The three turned to see No Need For Tenchi's Space Pirate Ryoko, trusty spaceship Ryo-ohki sitting on her shoulder, looking distinctly at the package of pocky Heero held. She abruptly snatched it from him and devoured half of it. "Hey! This isn't Miko Crunchies pocky; it's just milk pocky! Stupid frauds! Prepare to die!" With that, she held out an energy sword and pointed it at them.   
Duo and Quarte looked surprised and apprehensive whilst Heero took out his beam saber and said calmly, "Mission accepted."  
The other two pilots collapsed to the ground in exasperation.  
"Omae o korosu!" Cried Heero mercilessly, amid Ryoko's roars of "Ha! Yeah right!".  
Ryo-ohki happily bounced over to Duo and Quarte, mewing.  
"Can I touch this one?" Asked Quarte.  
"Yeah," answered Duo, absorbed in watching Heero and Ryoko.   
"How do you know all this stuff?" Quarte inquired, patting Ryo-ohki on the head and scratching behind her huge ears.   
"Lots of manga reading. Lots and lots of manga reading."  
"Ah." Ryo-ohki bounced up to Quarte's slightly singed hair and sat on top of his head.  
"Let's go... I don't think they'll be done anytime soon." Sighed Duo, getting up then helping Quarte to his feet.  
  
  
The two were talking with a certain blonde with blue eyes, average height, hair insanely long and pulled up into two odango on the top of her head. She was wearing a sailor fuku with a strange purple-pink bow in the back that looked as if it's tails were two feet long.  
Her name?  
Tsukino Usagi.  
"Ohhh! Miko Crunchies pocky? I'm looking for chocolate."  
"I think it's over there."  
"Hey, Usagi-chan!" Called a certain brown-haired, abnormally tall girl with green eyes sporting a green and pink fuku. "I found the chocolate pocky!"  
"Really, Mako-chan?" Usagi yelled, running off.  
"Hey..." the girl cooing, coming over to Duo and taking him by the arm, "...you look just like my old boyfriend..."  
Another girl, another blue-eyed blonde with a big red bow in her hair, came over and made googley-eyes at Quarte. "Hi, I'm Minako..."  
Two sweatdrops formed as both boys muttered the same phrase:  
"My miko is not going to like this..."  
  
  
The Miko no Shinigami and Miko no Quarte had a surveillance camera posted.   
"SHE IS PUTTING HER ARMS AROUND MY SHINIGAMI!" Screamed Shinigami no miko hysterically.  
"LET GO OF MY Q-KUN!" Quarte no miko shook the monitor.  
"DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!"  
The Miko no Shinigami stood up and grabbed the other miko, hauling her out to the car. Shini's beloved 1960 Mini Cooper sat inthe garage at all times. "We are going to put an END to this!"  
Shinigami no Miko's Mini's fuel pump started ticking with the first turn of the key, and Shinigami no miko had just punched the ignition button when the car died. She yelled out a rather unacceptable word and got out, running over to open the hood.  
Quarte no Miko couldn't see what Shini was doing, but it involved a lot of 'clunk' noises and bad words. Finally, she came back and hit the ignition a few more times. The engine turned over and the car started running. She hit the gas and flew to Japanesesnacks.com.  
  
  
Duo and Quarte had found Ryoko and Heero again. The two had reached some sort of truce, and so the motley crew of Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Quarte Raberba Winner, Space Pirate Ryoko, Ryo-ohki, Kino Makoto and Aino Minako set off, Mina giving up on Quarte and moving on to pester Heero.  
Just then, a little blue-haired girl with her hair in pigtails came running up, yelling "Ryo-chan! Ryo-chan!"  
"Sasami! Hey!" Ryoko snatched Ryo-ohki off of Quarte's head and plopped her into the girl's hands. Immediately, Sasami latched herself on to Quarte's hand and started laughing as Ryo-ohki jumped back onto his head.  
Make that Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Quarte Raberba Winner, Space Pirate Ryoko, Ryo-ohki, Kino Makoto, Aino Minako and Masaki Sasami.   
Finally, Sasami kicked up a random package of pocky from the floor. "Hey!" She said. "I didn't know they made Miko Crunchies pocky!"  
"Hand over the pocky and no one gets hurt!" Shouted the Miko no Shinigami, behind them. They turned, faced with a pink-colored beam scythe wielded by a high school age girl wearing a remarkably Duo-like outfit.   
"She'll do it!" Duo yelled. "She's crazy-"  
The manufacturer's reject copy of his scythe was leveled at his throat and he shut up.  
"Sasami!" Ryoko yelled. "Where'd you find that?"  
"On the floor, but there's more over there!" Sasami pointed and the entire group, including the now present Quatre no miko, ran off toward a stockpile of Miko Crunchies pocky. Only Makoto and Duo remained.   
Shinigami no Miko leveled the scythe at Mako. "Drop him." She ordered.   
"Never!" But nonetheless she did drop him in order to start an attack. "Supreme Thunder!"  
"Hah!" Laughed Shinigami no Miko, snatching Duo off the floor. "I'm a miko! You think that can hurt me??" With that said, she dodged the attack and hit Mako on the top of the head with the blunt end of the scythe. Mako collapsed. "Haaaahaaaahaaaa!!!"  
  
  
Later that day at the temple no Gundam Wing, The Miko no Shinigami and Miko no Quarte, along with their gods, Heero, and new friends Sasami, Ryoko, and Ryo-ohki, were huddled around a TV set watching G-Wing and crunching Miko Crunchies pocky.  
And, of course, it tasted good.  
Because it's Miko Crunchies.  
And it's pocky.  
Miko Crunchies pocky.  
I mean, c'mon, what more could you ever want?  



End file.
